Revenge: Auto Dealers

About a year ago I use to work at a Ford Dealership out in Issaquah, Washington. It really was not that bad being a car salesman. It was hard work and it provided me with a ton of experience in customer relations. Sometimes the customer really would not get that great of a deal and be pissed off about it. Well here is how to get revenge so listen up.

So the dealership screws you, on either the car, the deal, or
the service, don’t get angry — get even. Wait outside the showroom until a
prospective customer starts talking to a salesperson about the same type of
car you got. Walk right up to the customer and tell him you woeful story.
The idea is to screw up as many sales as you can (it will cost the dealer at
least $5000 for each screw-up). Be factual, be cool, and act as if you’re an
honest citizen trying to save another honest citizen some money and
heartache — as you wish someone had done for you. Sincere good faith is
the thing here, because the salesman is going to blow his about the second
time you pull your act.

When the manager asks you to leave and you don’t, he will probably
call the police. You had anticipated this earlier and alerted someone at the
local newspaper or television station–probably the action-line reporters.
Small-town media usually won’t allow reporters to come — car dealers buy
lots of ads, and you don’t. A regional TV station may show up — if you
promise a confrontation with the law. So when the manager calls the police,
you call your TV reporter — fun and games for the 6:00 P.M. news.
If all this doesn’t work, wait off the dealer’s premises and approach
customers as they leave the showroom. Tell your story there and then.
Offer to help them avoid your mistake. But stay on public property. And
keep after the action-line reporters.

If you escalate the attack a bit, show up when the night salespeople
are on duty — they won’t recognize you. Look at new cars; wander around.
Few salespeople pay much attention to an obvious gawker. As soon as
someone else or a telephone distracts the salesperson, you can do things to
the automobile right there in the showroom. A bottle opener is hard on the
finish. If you could smuggle some in with you, stuff roadkill under a car seat
or in the glove compartment. Or toss a condom (preferably used) on the
front seat. By the way, used condoms make wonderful plants in other
locations as well, like the boss’s desk, or in a customer’s car back in the
service shop.

If you can manage to slip undetected into the service area along with
your bag of sabotage goodies, such as glue, wire cutters, paint, potatoes,
M80s, etc., you can run amok. Work quietly and quickly. This sort of
guerrilla warfare can literally wreck a dealer’s service reputation. Remember: Be safe and Have fun because they deserve it.